Fun & games
by ivyclaire
Summary: It's a short story consisting of a boy with a treacherous heart and a girl playing with it, 'till she realizes her own heart can be tricked too. /You think I'm a fake and I know you're a fraud/
1. If I fall, will you too?

_Out of her favour, where I am in love*_

* * *

He despised her, mostly. It's not like she was an important part of his life, no, not at all. She's just been going in and out of their apartment, he treated her almost like a flatmate. A very annoying flatmate, truth be told. It's not about the way she sometimes looked at him, with clear disgust and apathy or the way she frowned whenever he interrupted her rants. He could bear it. He despised her too, after all.

But things have changed lately. She comes with a wide smile all over her face and even his pretty creative invectives cannot ruin her ever-growing happiness. Perhaps it's the way her not-a-boyfriend-anymore looks at her or the way the diamond ring fits her finger, flashing rays of light in every direction, blidning him with its treacherous charm. He doesn't like her or even, respect her, like he would respect any other girl appearing in his apartment. It's a shame to admit, he treats her terribly, but she doesn't seem to care and it infuriates him. What's happened to the once easily irritated, familiar girl he's known for months? He doesn't know.

It's evening and she kisses his flatmate's cheek. This very flatmate happens to be her fiance. He loves her truly and it's so obvious it's almost disgusting to watch. But she loves him too.

He sits on the couch watching them both tight in a loving embrace. He has his ways with girls, obviously. He adores them and pleases them too, but his foolish manners cannot be compared to these two who spend every free second together. He's not jealous of his girlfriend, God no. He's jealous, because he's never experienced this kind of love, true, intense, one in a lifetime. He's jealous, because she's the only girl who hasn't chosen him over... basically anyone else, especially his flatmate. It's just his ego, really. Or so he thinks.

She doesn't seem to notice or it's just a game, hard to tell, but the way she looks at him sometimes makes his veins melt and freeze at the same time. It's almost as if she tried to show him her happiness, but he doesn't care at all. He never does, apart from these little moments of affection she shows him whenever she's drunk. Nothing big, really, especially with her fiance by her side, but that's just what she does. Her fiance doesn't even notice, he doesn't notice her daring gaze, her seductive laugh, the way she shakes her head with disbelief at his stupid jokes.

He only jokes when he's drunk. She only laughs at them when she's drunk too. He only sees her when his vision's blurred, when his mind's covered with thick fog of whiskey-amber haze. He only sees her when she looks at him with those blue eyes, too innocent to be accused of flirting with a stranger. Because that's who he is to her, technically. Just her fiance's flatmate who tends to sleep with pretty much every girl he meets, who drinks a bit too much on a party, who watches her when she's not looking. He tried to get rid of this habit though. It's weird and scary and he knows it. He's been trying to stop himself, to take a step back from the abyss. He couldn't. He's been standing on the edge for the past few weeks, but he's losing his solid ground. He's about to fall and she looks at him with a strange spark in his eyes, the eyes that say _I'll not catch you if you fall._ So he stops himself. It's getting harder every time he sees her, but he won't give in. The fall is taunting him, daring him to jump into the abyss. He looks it right in the eyes and says _I won't._ But his words are empty and hollow whenever she smiles at him. These rare moments make him want to just do it and fall...

He doesn't and he won't. Not until she jumps with him.

* * *

He sits on the couch with a couple of friends. She's here too. Her fiance decided to throw a party celebrating the fact that they got engaged. _Oh, what an event_ , he thinks with mockery followed by an instant denial of any feelings towards her.

He takes a sip from his bottle of beer, his face twisted in a disgusted grimace. He doesn't even drink that much, but his behaviour's no longer under his strict control. Not when he sees her. She plays with her hair looking at her husband-to-be and throws her arms around his neck. He whispers something in her ear, it's _I love you_ and he does it loud enough for Bellamy to hear.

'Hey, Blake! Playing a round or not?', his friend, Nate invites him to play poker with them. Such a nasty game, but he knows all of the rules, so he nods his head and joins them, taking a seat on the carpet. It's stained with alcohol, mustard, even blood. It's from the time Clarke cut herself with a knife just when her relationship with Finn reached a span of a month together. Her fiance was out working and she was making a dinner, she does it sometimes as if it was her own apartment... Not that he's had any problem with it.

He was sitting in the living room, reading _Paradise Lost_ , so caught up in his thoughts he didn't even hear her squeal. But she ran to him, blood dripping from her finger, 'cause she didn't even know the location of the medical kit. Quite frankly, he didn't know it either. But he took some cloth and bathed it in water to clean the wound. He wrapped her finger tightly and laughed at her absentmindedness. She told him to _fuck off_ and disappeared in the kitchen with a disapproving smile, waving the knife at him. It was truly, a _paradise lost_ , just not in a literary sense, which made it all worse to handle. But he wasn't there yet, he didn't _see_ her like this back then, so his hands didn't tremble when his fingers touched her skin. He could only thank heavens for that moment, without feeling guilty, because he was just helping her out back then, _no strings attached_.

The situation looks quite different nowadays, but he's lost among the mysterious glances of his opponents, the taunting thoughts of money lying on the table right in front of him.

He takes another sip of his liquor and starts to play a bit too dangerously, with a little too much to lose. He doesn't take it into acoount, the very possibility of losing, but he soon finds himself without the majority of his current funds, because he loses. It used to be a better fun for him, but he's only been losing for the last few weeks. It's un unlucky time, but he doesn't particularly care about his money, which is what started worrying him in the first place. He stopped caring about most of the material things in his life, his thoughts got occupied by only one person and that was the moment he realized he's staring straight into the abyss. The abyss of love, the deadliest of all.

'Bellamy, I'm going home', his sister, Octavia, kisses his cheek, her breath full of whiskey scent, which leaves him disgusted.

'How? I know you drank, you brat', he tilts his head in a disapproving manner and gets up to face her. Her apartment is about ten minutes from his, but it's almost midnight and he won't let her go on foot, even though she turned twenty-one this year.

'You treat me like a child', she snorts averting her gaze with hurt. Deep down she knows too well it's the result of his protective nature towards her, but she likes giving him hard time in his reckless, as she thinks, life.

'Because you act like one. Just because you're legal now, doesn't mean you've got to drink on every party you're on, O', he says with amusement. She rolls her eyes at the statement.

'Will you ever piss off? It's my life and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it, whether you like it or not', she retorts and turns around, but he grabs her forearm.

'So do whatever the hell you want, but let me get you a ride home', he says and lets go of her arm. He takes his phone out of the pocket of his jeans.

'Yeah, well, I know you drank too. Just like everyone on this party. How does that happen that whenever Finn and Clarke throw a party, everyone always ends up drunk?', she wonders and it makes Bellamy laugh. He does notice the pained spark in her voice though, her longing stare, which pierces his flatmate's back every time he turns around. She used to be smitten with Finn a couple of months ago, before he met Clarke. She doesn't like being turned down and she never shows that she's hurt. Especially when it comes to guys. But Bellamy knew that he truly made her suffer when it turned out that he's not interested in her at all. Octavia's beautiful and brave and rebellious and pretty much a definition of a free-spirited human being, that everyone craves so desperately to meet. Rejection was a huge blow for her and now, even though it's just sentiment, he suspects that she still hopes for any sort of interest shown by her once beloved man.

It's funny though, the way they both chose their darlings. It's funny how both of their deeply hidden desires broke their hearts and fell in love with each other, leaving them all alone. Octavia suffers and her brother knows it all too well, because the reason of her suffering is the reason of his trouble.

'I have no idea. But you should probably ask Finn, he's truly a definition of a drunkard', he smiles looking at his flatmate who's singing karaoke on the countertop with Clarke watching him from the hallway. She leans on the wall eating strawberries from the box. Bellamy'd bought them earlier.

'Maybe it's not always his initiative', she says defensively and Bellamy knows well what she means. She's friends with Clarke, she likes her, but whenever she sees them together it's almost as if she turned into a different person towards the blonde.

'I got you a transport', he only says and kisses Octavia's forehead.

'Yeah, who?', she asks mockingly as she opens the front door.

'Don't even ask. If the guy tries to do anything other than driving you home, just tell me and I'll break his neck. Deal?', he tilts his head as she laughs.

'Why did you call him then?', she asks curiously and steps on the staircase.

'He's a friend, well, let's say so, of mine. And he's sober. Two basic conditions intact', he shrugs.

'If anything, I can take care of myself', she says teasingly and waves him goodbye.

' _If_ _anything_ , O, you have to...', he shouts, but she's already gone.

He goes back to the apartment and sighs.

'Hey, want a strawberry?', he almost bumps into Clarke as he turns around. It's not like he gets paralyzed the second she talks to him or watches her eternally like some sort of a creep. Because he has his own duties and life, he studies and meets pretty girls in clubs. But moments like these are his favourite in the entire world, when there are only two of them, almost acting as if they were friends. It's all just a fake façade though, they're really great actors.

'No, thanks. I bought them though', he says nonchalantly and crosses his arms.

'How kind of you, what's the occasion?', she asks in a mocking manner, biting a fruit.

'There was a promotion, you know. I thought, maybe they're rotten, I'll treat my friends with it and see the outcome', he shrugs innocently. She hits his arm and his expression turns to grimace.

'Unfortunately, they're not. Maybe they only poison your friends', she says with a satisfied smirk.

'Oh, so _we_ 're not friends? You're breaking my heart', he snorts ironically, which is how he usually acts around her, unless he's completely drunk.

'Turns our your plan had a gap in it. You have no _friends_ to poison', she grins.

'I really have no idea what your fiance loves about you', he shivers theaterically, which is quite ironic, considering that the statement is ridiculous coming out of _his_ mouth.

'Just ask him', she smirks and glances at Finn who's singing Beyonce's _Single Ladies_ without any music playing. The whistles and applause are defeaning, so Bellamy moves closer Clarke, but she doesn't seem to notice.

'Yeah, maybe tomorrow', he rolls his eyes with a smile and yawns.

'Go to sleep, Bellamy. I know you have lectures tomorrow', she says and it's such a rare thing for her to say something nice, almost caring to _him_.

'I know you've got lectures too. I also know that you drank a bit too much whiskey, which is why you're gonna have a problem getting up tomorrow', he replies playfully, poking her shoulder.

'I can't sleep at night anyway', she says and shrugs. It surprises him, the confession she's made. It surprises him, because he already knows about her sleep issues from her. But she looks at him with a playful spark in her eyes and it's too much for him to handle.

'I'm sure your fiance can help you with that', he replies mockingly and passes her in a hallway. It might seem like a strange thing for him to do, but Bellamy doesn't play games. Or at least he doesn't want to. Not with Clarke. He's almost certain that the only reason she said that was because that's just how Clarke was. It was always fun and games with her. _Only_ fun and games.

'Not as far as I'm concerned', she chuckles and he stops. It's a wrong thing to do.

'Is it because the competition was too good?', he says with a bitter smile, but she cannot see it, because he's turned away from her.

'Maybe', she replies and it leaves him stunned. He turns around only to see her closing the bedroom's door. She stays for a night tonight.

He stares at the door for a few more seconds before turning away and locking himself in his own room. Lying on the cold bed, he gazes at the ceiling. _Maybe_.

The competition was actually him.

Clarke's problems with sleep were the only ones she's ever told him about. It was a couple of months ago, she was in their apartment, but Finn was not back yet from his university. It was a cold evening, so Clarke was going around wrapped in a warm blanket. She couldn't sleep so he came to her and brought her a cup of peppermint tea. They talked about various things, from the universe to their future plans, they were _friends_ back then, no strings attached, no stronger feelings, just a friendship. He told her about his sister, she told him about her passion for arts. At what point does a friendship turn into something stronger, deeper, more intense...?

They kissed.

Only once. It was a long, intimate kiss, they almost...

But they stopped. And he left her room without a word and ever since that moment, they weren't real friends anymore. It's been all just a hoax, a dirty curtain that hides a heavy secret. They were rude and unapologetic towards each other and when she came to the apartment without Finn by her side... Their relations were getting even rougher and sharper. It's only when she's drunk she shows him any sort of affection. They weren't drunk back then.

 _But it was just one kiss shared by a couple of strangers, who wanted a way out of another lonely night._

At least that's what Bellamy keeps on telling himself. A bittersweet, innocent lie, that keeps him above water.

* * *

 **Hello, guys! I got inspired (again) and wrote yet another story. It's a bit different from my usual style of writing. It's supposed to be a short general story, consisting of only three chapters (at least that's my initial idea) and it'll focus on Bellamy and his feelings. I hope you liked the first chapter and I'd** _ **really**_ **appreciate it if you let me know what you think about it, if it's even worth continuing.**

 ***** _ **Out of her favour, where I am in love**_ **-a quote from William Shakespeare's** _ **Romeo and Juliet;**_ **I obviously don't own it.**

 **The line from the summary comes from the song _Lurk_ by The Neighbourhood- I don't own it. I also do not own the show 'The Hundred' nor its characters (just in case somebody would like to sue me already).**

 **Thank you for reading and once again, reviews are more than welcome! xo**


	2. Innocence lost

_Do it for the thrill of it all_ *

* * *

Her eyes shine with strange, unfamiliar light. She almost looks as if she was high. He smiles at his own thoughts, but there's something disturbing about the person in front of him. Something unreal. He doesn't want to be in this state, but it's too sweet to resist it.

His eyes leave hers and focus on her lips. _Lips?_

She opens them and he can hear faint sound coming out of her mouth.

 _Wait, what?_

 _What did she say?_

He frowns. One word lingers in his ears.

 _Bellamy_.

He cranes his head back and closes his eyes. _Focus, Blake._

When he regains his vision, it's blurry. There's a girl in front of him. A blonde. She's turned away from him. He can see her back. It's naked, but there's a black tattoo on the lower part of it.

He narrows his eyes to see it clearly, but all of his efforts go for nothing. Everything is vague, but around her head there's a strange glow, a halo even. He tilts his head, amused at his own thoughts. A bloody angel, isn't she? Something's off though. He looks around, but cannot concentrate on anything.

 _Blondie_ , he says playfully and she turns around. She's smiling.

 _I know you._

What did you say?

She approaches him with a questioning gaze: what did you say?

 _Bellamy, what did you say?_

Last thing we should do is go slow.**

She giggles amused and he realizes he's lying on somebody's bed. _Whose room is this?_

His eyes focus on the girl's face as she places her knees on both sides of his hip bone. Her hands wander around his bare chest, but he can't feel them. He frowns and looks up only to see a familiar face. His vision's finally clear. His mouth opens in suprise as she leans her face forward. He stares at her eyes. They're laughing.

Her lips part, enunciating his name.

 _I know you._

* * *

'Bellamy'

'Bellamy, wake up'

He opens his eyes abruptly and swiftly straightens up to a sitting position.

'Bellamy', he looks up only to see a familiar face. His breath is shallow, his back sweaty. He can feel Octavia's hands on his shoulders, her worried expression leaves him confused.

'What's wrong with you? Get your shit together, you'll be late', his sister sighs and rolls her eyes. She gets up from his bed and leaves his bedroom. He never gets the chance to ask her what on Earth she's doing in his apartment, because when he actually leaves the room she's nowhere to be found. His thoughts are qucikly occupied by something else, so his sister's strange visit becomes somehow unimportant.

His breath remains unsteady even after all of his lectures are over. He keeps replaying his night visions until he's no longer sure whether any of it was actually surreal. He could _feel_ her breath, he saw her face, he even saw her...

The thing that bothers him the most about that entire dream is Clarke's mark on her back.

'Tell me one thing, Griffin', he whispers teasingly in her ear as he passes her in the hallway of Finn's apartment. Clarke turns around, irritated look on her face. She's just come here from her university, she's exhausted and angry. Bellamy uses this opportunity to confront her as she's let her guard down. He can clearly see her resignation, her weariness after a tough day. It's not fair, obviously, but he doesn't really care. He's been thinking about her for the entire day, he just _has_ to know.

No one pays attention to their conversation as the place is filled with people once again. This time it's because Clarke passed all of her exams and Finn is just _so proud..._ Bellamy would rather not speak on that matter. He knows Clarke would be smart enough to pass them and she doesn't need anyone's praise. Some things just get done.

'Would you mind showing me your tattoo?', he asks quietly, dangerously close to her face. It's a gamble, obviously, he's never seen her tattoo, not in real life. It hits home though and for a second, he thinks he's about to get slapped. But Clarke quickly composes herself and hides behind a usual curtain of indifference. Her camouflage is transparent to Bellamy, who gazes at her piercingly, reading all of her emotions.

'How do you... I don't have...', she stutters stunned, trying to remain calm. It's such a rare thing for blonde to be blindsided, she acts as if she's never experienced it. She never has. Not with Bellamy. It's hard for her to even comprehend that he could know more about her than she allows him to. Her personal space has been invided once again. Not with a kiss, not this time. With a simple question.

He smirks and leaves her alone. He's headed to his bedroom. Once he closes the door, he cannot resist the urge to feel satisfied. Two can play the game. Even though he's already starting to hate himself for even thinking about taking any part in it. It's always been Clarke doing it, tricking him with her not-so-innocent smiles, mysterious hints, numerous blows hidden behind sweet words. Blows below the belt.

He hides his face in his hands as he hears somebody open the door. When he turns around they're once again shut. There are two people in the room now though and the air becomes so thick it's almost tangible. Bellamy's confidence slowly fades away, but he keeps the mask plastered to his face. It's the only way to avoid thinking about her in a way he wish he could. In a way she leans down to kiss him.

Reality though, is sometimes better than dreams. Sometimes, a dream is a trap.

Other times, reality is just a faithful copy of our night visions.

'How do you know about it?', Clarke's voice is filled with venom. There it is. He found her weak spot. Why has she always though he was the only one with secrets to uncover and use?

He gazes at her for a while, trying to pinpoint the exact reason of her anger. Her face is inscrutable though, so he gives up and takes a few steps forward. Part of him wants to intimidate her, but mostly he just wants to move closer to her. Even in situations like this one, he still wants to be close to her. It's laughable, he's aware of it. It's stronger than him though, it's what people named and wrapped in sweet words. It's a feeling, a certain smell, a vague memory, something too dear to lose.

It's the girl he loves the most.

It's a shame he can't admit it, even to himself. It's easier to hold to this nasty attitude, always fighting for dominance, always playing games.

'I've seen it', he raises his eyebrows and looks at her challengingly. He knows what's the next question, but he comes closer and her mouth remains shut.

'Don't worry, blondie. I'm not a peeper', he smirks cheekily and tilts his head, Her facial expression changes. She's annoyed now. He can almost hear her mind working, her brilliant brain trying to find a connection. _How do you know, Bellamy?_

'You never see me in _your_ dreams? I must say, Clarke... I'm disappointed', he murmurs and moves his face closer to hers to intimidate her. He's suprised by his own perkiness, but his hammering heart tells a different story. The girl in front of him raises her chin as he touches her shoulder lightly with his index finger. He slides it down her right arm and looks up to meet her eyes again.

'I do', she finally replies almost inaudibly, her voice trembling. She stares at him, eyebrows raised. He doesn't see it coming. He doesn't expect her to retaliate. She does though. And it leaves him empty. _Two can play the game, Blake._

'I see you in my dreams. Every night', she adds and it kills him. He lost the duel that hasn't even ended yet. He breaks the eye contact, his pulse accelerates. He needs more air, but the blonde takes the oxygen away from him.

'I spend every night wishing it was another man sleeping beside me. Is this a betrayal?', she asks challengingly and even though it's a vague question, he understands it perfectly. The statement she's just made leaves him speechless. He wishes he could convince himself it's a lie. He wishes it was true.

Bellamy wants to laugh in her face. Who is this girl?

'No', he blurts out, staring at her lips. She raises her eyebrows stunned, but she doesn't have a chance to demand any answer from him.

He kisses her shortly, he just touches his lips with hers, but when he looks her in the eyes he doesn't find any resistance. She returns the kiss, but it's different this time. Her head hits the door when his lips crash against hers. She embraces his neck and his hands explore her back.

Her fiance's dancing just outside Bellamy's bedroom, with a girl named Raven, his future girlfriend. Maybe he'd tell her how much he likes her right in this moment instead of waiting another few weeks. Probably he would, if only he knew who his fiance's kissing behind the closed door.

'But this is', Bellamy mumbles when their lips part.

'What?', she murmurs with a frown and moves her head back to glance at him.

' _This_ is a betrayal', he says quietly. There are so many thoughts running around his head in this moment, he can't focus on any particular emotion. He chose to express the worst one and regret is starting to consume him already.

Clarke looks at him, clearly baffled and storms out of the room. He feels his throat tighten when she closes the door. That's it. He finally has the victory. It tastes disappointingly bitter.

 _Now that was smart, Bellamy. Really fucking smart._

He runs his fingers through his hair and sits on his bed. He shouldn't have brought her fiance up. He shouldn't have, but he did. Does that mean he still has some morals? Or was this all just a dirty payback?

He kissed her and then made her feel guilty for cheating. Does that count as a win?

Probably yes.

But Bellamy ends up as the one who's feeling guilty. He doesn't hate her games that much. He never wanted to be like her. He's just not this kind of guy. Or is he?

He feels satisfaction to finally be the one in charge. To finally make her feel tricked. Such a feeling doesn't last long though and Bellamy experiences it on his own the next evening, when he notices Clarke and Finn embracing each other. They're standing in the middle of the living room, surrouned by their closest friends. His hearts starts beating faster at the sight and her piercing stare reminds him of their kiss.

'What's going on?', Bellamy murmurs to Nate, as he comes back home from the university. His friend glances at him with a grin.

'They're marrying next month', Miller announces and gives Bellamy a glass of champagne.

He almost faints at the spot as he realizes he's no longer a part of this twisted game. Not as far as his heart's concerned.

* * *

 ***- this line is from Lana Del Rey's song _Serial Killer-_ I don't own it**

 ****- this line is from _Lurk_ by The Neighbourhood- again, I don't own it**

 **Hello! I know this chapter's a bit short, but I wanted to post it as soon as possible.**

 **I really hope you liked this one aaaand we have the last chapter still ahead.**

 **THANK YOU for your reviews, they really motivated me to write this piece and I'd love to know your thoughts on this one!**

 **'Till the next one! xo**


	3. Cloud nine

_I'd never dreamt that I'd love somebody like you_ *

* * *

'Heard the good news. Congratulations'

Belllamy finds himself fidgeting as he's forced to face the happy couple. Well, at least one half of it seems beyond joyful, but Bellamy tries his best not to over-analyze things. He tries not to stare at the woman standing in front of him, embraced by her fiance, whom she's about to marry in a month. He keeps glancing at her though and grunts uncomfortably every time she reciprocates his behaviour. His thoughts are still preoccupied with the sweet taste of her lips, her cherry lipstick, her warm hands...

'Thanks, man. We've finally made our minds', Finn, Bellamy's flatmate, replies with a smile and rolls his eyes to express his slight irritation at the late date of the wedding. _Late_ , as in Finn's opinion. His fiance seems to have a different view on this matter though, but no one decides to bring it up, not the girl herself. The web of lies is too thick to breathe, let alone make such decisions.

'Last thing you should do is go slow, right?', Bellamy utters with a fake smile as Finn snorts amused. Bellamy's attention focuses on Clarke for a split second before he shakes her fiance's hand. He pats his back encouragingly and nods his head in approval. He deserves and Oscar for this performance, but it's not over yet.

His entire body stiffens when he places his hands on Clarke's arms as an attempt of a half-hug and kisses her cheek lightly. He breathes in her scent, it's vanilla mixed with smoke and it takes him aback. _Does she smoke?_

'You won', he mutters and takes a step back, staring at her face. Her eyes never meet his and it's enough of a proof for him. It almost breakes his heart, but perhaps it's already broken, he doesn't really know.

She did do it. She actually went with it... Because he hurt her.

 _Well, Clarke. You've won. I announce you the winner, the true Queen of Hearts._

 _And now, the best part._

 _I'm not the King._

'I guess you'll have to clean this mess now', he says flatly, forcing a smile and quickly wishes them a good night, before disappearing in his own bedroom. He can feel Clarke's eyes burning his back, demanding something more, an answer to a question that hasn't been asked, an explanation. She could be disappointed though, because Bellamy's motives are beyond banal.

He's in love with her.

He gave up on her.

* * *

It's a sleepless night for a very certain brunette boy in his twenties, who, instead of trying to calm his mind, recalls every single moment of his life he spent with her. He analyzes it until it's 5 a.m. and he can't find more than a one solution. He tries his best not to be over-dramatic as he ponders over his relations with Clarke, Finn and basically everyone around him. He's become too reckless recently, too focused on his own feelings to look after Octavia or concentrate on his university. He's lost all of his money during one of the poker sessions, so common in their apartment, and now he's not even certain where he's going to get his funds from. He lost his job too, last week.

He wishes he could say he's been only fair towards the blonde and their twisted relationship, but deep down he knows the ugly truth. A bit of sugarcoating is necessary for him not to get consumed by the overwhelming sense of guilt, but he's aware of the fact that he's just as guilty as she is, they could've done more than kiss last evening and they only stopped because of his stupid remark. Now he's not sure whether he'd actually have the strength to _stop_ if she didn't. He'd always treated her with certain distance, not to ruin the fragile facade they created, convinced that she'd have killed him at the spot, if he had tried to cross the line again. But apparently, her heart's betrayed her too. It's funny though, because all of these games have finally turned against her and Bellamy actually feels sorry for her. He knows what it feels like when your mind and your heart don't get along.

Yeah, he wishes he had better morals, but when 6 o'clock greets him and he can hear somebody getting out of shower, he gets up. His mind's about to explode, so he decides to act, although he's not completely convinced of the rightfulness of his initiative. Truth be told, he's starting to regret it already, even though he's yet about to go through with it.

He changes his clothes swiftly and runs his fingers through his hair. He glances at a mirror in his room, which is actually just a small piece of glass that has remained (Bellamy broke it once, accidentally, when he was carrying a chair. He's not superstitious at all, but whenever he thinks about his current situation, he's reminded of that incident. Perhaps he had those seven years of bad luck coming...)

He has dark circles under his eyes, but overall he can't feel his weariness due to the rush of adrenaline, running wildly through his veins. As he opens the door he's certain it was Finn taking the shower, he doesn't even think for a split second that it could be someone else. He doesn't see it coming and that's the thing about Bellamy. He never sees it coming when he should be, because he erases the worst option out of his mind. He's too often blinded by his own confidence, tricked by the sense of control, which usually ends like this...

'Clarke...?', he blurts out, dumbfounded. For a second he stares at her with a frown, but then he remembers. She stayed for a night, didn't she.

It doesn't explain another thing though, it fails to explain the way she looks wrapped in a white towel, her hair still wet, drops of water falling on the floor. She stares at him too as if their meeting was something unusual. They both know it didn't use to be. But everything's changed after their kiss _._

 _No. Everything's changed after her wedding announcement_ , thinks Bellamy and quite frankly, it says a lot about his morality, since he can no longer look her sqaure in the eye _only after_ she committed herself to someone else for the rest of her life. Earlier, he thought it was temporary. _Maybe we could..._ , he thought deep in his heart, secretly waiting for things to change.

They did change. She's about to get married.

'I'm sorry for...', Clarke begins uncertainly, apparently waiting to be interrupted. Nothing like this happens and her apologies remain unfinished.

'Getting married? Yeah, no problem. Totally saw it coming', Bellamy snorts ironically and moves past her. He can feel her fingers gripping his forehand so he turns around with a sigh. He looks at her, badly hidden pain in his eyes, and he realizes he's tired of constantly feeling rejected.

'Bellamy... I didn't... We weren't even...', she stutters, struggling to find the right words. He releases his arm from her grasp and moves closer to her face. He clenches his teeth and forces himself to look at her.

'We weren't what? What did you expect me to do? You were my best friend's _fiance_ , Clarke, I didn't exactly have many options, you know?', he says ironically and she bites her lower lip, carefully analyzing his words. It's thought-provoking how they both speak about their complicated relation in past tense, but perhaps it's just a way to convince each other that with their upcoming wedding, their feelings changed. That they _must have changed_ , because they're not bad people. They're lost, confused and completely disoriented, but not bad, right?

Doubtful, but that's the thing about love. It shows a different side of every human.

She breaks their eye-contact, but when he grabs her hand she looks at him suprised.

'If I proposed to you like he did... would it be enough?', he asks quietly as her eyes widen. He regrets asking this question, because it clearly shows his care for her. It reveals his true feelings and somehow puts her in charge of them.

He takes her engagement ring off her third finger and looks up to meet her eyes.

'Would you marry me instead?', he finishes his question almost inaudibly. There's silence after his words, the only sound is water dropping onto the floor from Clarke's still wet hair.

'Would you want to marry me?', she finally whispers and he moves her hand close enough to his mouth to kiss it. His eyes never leave hers though and so they stand in the hallway of Finn's apartment, in front of his and his fiance's bedroom. Clarke dressed in nothing but a white towel, looking at the boy opposite her, kissing the top of her hand, declaring his committment.

'I wish I could', he mutters after a while of silence and stares at her hand for a little longer until letting it go. That's it, the last words spoken about their relation. At least that's what Bellamy thinks.

Clarke's mouth opens, but she doesn't say anything. Maybe she counted on something else. Maybe she thought Bellamy would play her knight. Perhaps he thought about it too, before finally realizing he doesn't have the strength to fight in a battle that's already lost.

Or maybe he's just a better human being than he gives himself the credit for.

Somebody opens the door and Bellamy swiftly turns around, heading towards kitchen.

'Hey, honey...', he can hear Finn greeting his fiance and eventually decides to choose a better place for a hideout.

It turns out to be a bathroom, in which he takes a hot, long shower to tune out all of the voices, also the ones inside his head. Suprisingly, he becomes increasingly calmer as he feels drops of water cleansing his bare skin. His thoughts wander to different places, searching for an oasis, something to lift his spirits and bring a smile to his endlessly fatigued features. He closes his eyes as he gives his mind full access to all of his memories, without holding anything back in fear of remembering old feelings or scratching healed wounds.

A month ago Clarke made a dinner. Bellamy came back from his evening lectues, tired and completely drained (Octavia'd yelled at him for controlling her all the time and he'd had an argument with Clarke in the morning when she'd used up all of their hot water. She'd tried to defend herself, but then she pointed out his late-night arrivals and waking everyone up as a result, so he retorted and they fought until Finn came home with freshly baked bread and a look of suprise on his face: _I heard you guys shouting when I was still outside. Do you really need to fight with each other whenever you're in the same room?_ They completely defied his statement and took offence very personally, because obviously they _never_ fight...), so when he saw loads of food on their kitchen table, two empty glasses and a couple of lit candles, his mood worsened even more. He thought it was all for Clarke's beloved fiance, but the second the girl spotted him, she literally dragged him to the seat opposite hers and sat in front of him. She grabbed her knife and a fork and started eating the pork placed on her plate. Bellamy sat quietly, motionlessly and completely stunned. After a moment of silence, the girl looked up and said: _Try. It might not be as horrible as you think_. She smiled and Bellamy did as she told him to.

 _And? Can you taste any poison yet? Because I added quite a lot, so..._

 _Hilarious, Griffin. What is all this?_

 _A dinner. For you and me._

 _Is that an apology for the lack of hot water in the morning or...?_

 _Do you really think I'd do it all because of your capricious morning mood?_

 _Firstly, everyone is capricious in the morning and secondly, stop wriggling out of it, you have no excuse._

 _No, I'm always joyful, for example. Besides, my excuse is, I'm engaged to your pal, who also happens to be living here with you. So, naturally, I have the right to this bathroom, kitchen, living room and his bed too._

 _Okay, that's just gross, may I remind you that we're actually eating..._

 _Bellamy. I want to make it right._

 _What's not right?_

 _Us. Me. You. You and I, we're not right and you know it. Finn asked me to..._

 _Fix our relations? That's new. Why would he care?_

 _Uhm, I don't know, maybe because you're friends...?_

 _No need for sarcasm, princess. And why would you care?_

 _Because I care about Finn. He cares about you, so I think it's pretty obvious._

 _Sure. Because everything's always so obvious with you._

 _What was that supposed to mean?_

 _That the pork is delicious. Which probably means that you ordered all of this._

 _Okay, seriously, I'm going to kick your ass, I did all..._

And so they talked until midnight when Finn came home. He stood in the hallway for a few seconds, observing the couple laughing like mad and he might've thought it was because of the wine, but neither of them drank it. Clarke wasn't twenty-one years old yet and Bellamy felt uncomfortable drinking around her. He's just very righteous when it comes to certain things.

This memory is one of the most precious he has with Clarke. He smiles to himself uncontrollably and gets out of shower. His mind's relaxed now, his pulse steady, but he doesn't want to push his fate, so he avoids his flatmate and his fiance for the rest of the Saturday. He studies, looks for a job and when it's already afternoon he meets with Clarke and Finn in the kitchen.

'Pizza?', Finn suggests uncertainly and Clarke nods approvingly.

'Well, considering that none of us posseses any exceptional skills when it comes to cooking and we're all here... it's a yes', the blonde snorts a bit sarcastically and Bellamy tilts his head, mulling over her words. He stays quiet though and simply nods his head when his friend's questioning eyes meet his.

'You didn't cook that dinner, did you?', Bellamy crosses his arms, eyebrows raised, as he observes Clarke lying on a couch in the living room with a book opened in front of her. It's almost evening, Finn vanished an hour ago to meet with a few friends of his and Clarke's studying for her exams.

'Oh, I'm not sure I know what you mean', she smirks smugly and changes her position to a sitting one. She crosses her legs and leans her back on the wall. Bellamy decides to enter the room and, as the girl stares at him teasingly, he jumps on the couch. She squeaks loudly, even though his body doesn't even touch hers. She laughs as he spreads his legs and arms wide, leaving very little space for her.

'I'm pretty damn sure you do know it. I won't be mad. It was a sweet gesture, I appreciated it', he says playfully and she snorts. He's lying on his back, in front of her and stares at the ceiling.

'No, you didn't appreciate it', she replies amused and takes a strand of his brown her in her fingers.

'You're right. I thought it was stupid to pretend. I still do', he retorts quietly. She plays with his hair for a moment before answering.

'Pretend? Why do you think it was all just a pretend?', she asks, her emotions impossible to read. He turns his head slightly in her direction and gazes at her.

'I didn't say it was _all_ just a pretend. A few things seemed quite real to me', he counters with a playful smile and the tension between them disperses as Clarke tilts her head disapprovingly. He's surprised she didn't get mad, but she just shakes her head with an inscrutable smile.

'Bellamy, it's confusing for me too, I...', she begins uncertainly, but Bellamy gets up to a sitting position and interrupts her.

'I wanted to tell Finn. In the morning, when I thought it was him taking a shower', he confesses and looks at her challenginly. Her facial expression never changes, so he waits for any kind of reaction.

'It was me though', she only says.

'It was you', he repeats and stares at her piercingly. She sighs and breaks the eye contact.

'I... I can't forbid you anything. We both know what happened, so I'm not going to play pretend in front of you. You can tell Finn if you want to. I pray for his love, so I guess then I'll have to pray for his forgiveness', she mutters and Bellamy's eyes widen.

'Why are you saying this?', he demands baffled as she gets up.

'Because I love him. So I shouldn't keep any secrets from him, especially not this kind of secrets. I do though and I don't have the guts to tell him myself', she explains and her voice is a mixture of resignation, regret and uncertainty.

Bellamy stands up and moves in front of her. He's so bewildered he cannot utter anything.

'So that's what it all was to you? Just a dirty secret, a burden you keep carrying to punish yourself for being such a bad girlfriend to your _beloved_ fiance?', he demands angrily and Clarke bites her lower lip.

'What _all_ Bellamy? Do you even hear yourself? We kissed, once or twice, doesn't matter, because it was just an incident, I don't lo...', she stops abruptly and refuses to look at him. He wonders about her words for a while, before he recognizes something familiar in her voice. _Bluff._

'"Love you..."? You played it cool, with such confidence, such faith in your feelings, you almost had me fooled. Shame on you, Clarke, because I'm done with being tricked', he shakes his head in disbelief, but all of his anger vanishes. All that's left is sadness at what could have been.

'Brave princess, aren't you?', he snorts ironically and she finally looks up to meet his eyes.

'My relationship with Finn is not a sham, Bellamy, in spite of what you might think', she says firmly and raises her chin challengingly.

'No, it's not what I think. It's what _you_ think. I don't care anymore, Clarke. I'm leaving tonight', he informs her flatly, but it's a bluff. He only thought about it for a few days. For a second her eyes have strange sparks within, she opens her mouth, her fists clenched... But then she stops herself. He can literally see her forced attempts of calming down her body and mind.

'Where will you go?', she asks emotionlessly and he cannot believe his own ears.

'To a friend's place', he lies without missing a beat and she nods her head slowly.

They stand like this for a few seconds, both of them analyzing the opportunity to hug each other. Nothing like this happens as they both realize too much has happened and it's just going to make everything more complicated than it already is.

Finally Bellamy turns around, but is quickly stopped by Clarke's fingers wrapped around his forehand. Second time this day, he feels his skin burning underneath her touch.

'Bellamy', she just says and he closes his eyes for a second, trying to compose himself.

When he looks at her, she gazes at her hand gripping his as if she didn't fully think this through.

'Take care of yourself. I will miss you', she mutters and lets go of his hand. She doesn't look him in the eye though.

'I'll miss you too, princess', he replies softly and it's almost as if their unpleasant conversation never took place. He fights himself for a few seconds before leaning down to kiss her forehead. He doesn't look her in the eyes, afraid of what he could see. Maybe tears. Or maybe just a farewell.

His heart feels heavy, pulling him to the ground as he begins folding his clothes. It's almost as if he was watching this situation from distance, he feels strangely detached.

He turns around and heads to his bedroom, his mind empty. He can hear Clarke leave the apartment, but he keeps himself from analyzing anything. He made a decision and he's actually happy that he did, even if it's made in such a childish way. At least he made up his damn mind and perhaps he'll be able to move on somewhere else, instead of watching Clarke kiss somebody else while he drinks coffee every morning.

Bellamy quickly packs up his stuff in a sports bag and leaves a note for Finn on the countertop.

 _It's getting a bit crowded around here. I'm moving out, we'll meet soon. B_

And just like that he leaves the woman he loves and heads towards a bar, because he literally has nothing else to do. He greets Nate who works here as a bartender and orders some liquor to melt his veins. He looks around and almost chokes on his saliva as he notices his flatmate dancing with a familiar girl Bellamy doesn't quite recognize. He observes the couple for a few minutes. They seem to be enjoying themselves and he feels an unfamiliar pang of pain. He wishes it was a movie cliche. He wishes he saw them kissing or even embracing. Then he could play a tawdry superhero, punch Finn in the face and save the princess in a tower.

 _A hero complex?_

He could bear that kind of platitude. This bittersweet feeling of lacking ability to do anything more is worse. He could of course stay and... Well. He doesn't even know what he'd do. It was Clarke's turn and so she used it to push him away, not tighten the bonds.

Bellamy finishes his drink and leaves the bar.

* * *

He moves into his old friend's apartment and stays there for three months before deciding to leave the town for good. Days pass by quickly, as Bellamy tries his best to keep himself as busy as possible. He struggles to keep a job and all of his loves turn out to be a mistake. He's not seen Clarke and it helps him forget, but he's overall unhappy with how things are. Sometimes he comes back to the times when he'd meet Clarke on a daily basis, other times he wishes to meet her. But he convinces himself it's not a good idea, it would make everything worse, he almost forgot, he keeps on trying to...

He applies for a transfer to a different university and two months after he's already on the airport.

* * *

Has he ever met Clarke again?

Well, perhaps a certain brunette girl named Raven, whom Bellamy witnessed once, dancing with his beloved girl's fiance, recognized his face somewhere amidst the crowd waiting for their flight. Perhaps she happened to be at the same airport at the same time, because she's just broken up with her boyfriend and flew to see her close friend in some other state. Maybe she also spotted a blonde girl in her twenties, running around, clearly looking for somebody in the crowd. Perhaps that girl found who she was looking for and ran in his direction until she wrapped her arms around him. Maybe the boy returned the hug, the look of shock on his face.

Perhaps the brunette girl spotted two people meeting after almost half of a year and perhaps she stood close enough to hear the blonde say:

 _I'm sorry._

And maybe, just maybe that blonde girl said _I love you_ too.

* * *

 ***it's a line from Chris Isaak's _Wicked Game_ ; I don't own it.**

 **AHHH AND IT'S OVER! One of you, weallfindlove, asked me how many chapters were left. Well, that was the last one and I really hope I didn't disappoint, so please tell me what you think.**

 **I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your reviews, because this story was meant to be a little break for me, a way to break through my writer's block and I actually started enjoying it. It's not "my" kind of story, it's a bit different, but I hope you liked it as much as I did and thank you one more time for reading, commenting and just motivating me to write another piece.**

 **I'm REALLY curious about your opinion on this one, so tell me what you think and... 'till the next time!**

 **xo**


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